Anomalous Heartburn
Not Kryptonite - When is Kryptonite not Kryptonite? When you actually discover the chemical compound referenced in the movie – but the name is copyrighted. Sadly it doesn’t even glow green (but it does fluoresce pinkish-orange).

It Burns! - Have you ever wanted a nefarious substance that, once ignited, cannot be doused by pesky heroes using normal means? Look no further!

Power Contrived - Some things must be done, just because you can do it. Like this handy Thumb Drive Raid Array.

Mini-ion – Create an army of tiny robot minions right in your bathroom! Just don’t ask them to do anything to complicated. And if you are too busy to construct your own tiny minions, you can buy them pre-made here.

Lasers make everything better, like improving the efficiency and brightness of normal light bulbs!

Armadillosuchus arrudai - Another creature demonstrating that the best way to remove evidence of gene-tampering gone awry is to time-travel back and leave the benighted creation to die in the Late Cretaceous.

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Teleporting Energy – We are anxiously awaiting the first teleportation network interface card for our systems.

Zooming into a Mandelbrot Set – This will blow your mind. In fact, a few of the scientist’s heads exploded during the viewing of this. You have been warned. Also, may we suggest an alternative soundtrack?

Star Wars Ships Made Out of Metro Tickets – Never underestimate the power of a bored geek.

Tea Sub – As we aboard the Isopod are into both a nice cup of tea and submarines, we wholeheartedly approve of this handy tool.

Engineering Paradise – And for your listening pleasure, may we present this lovely little number…

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Attention S.S. Isopod Crew,

Indeed, I am completely aware of our unplanned extended study of the Chukchi Sea and the Aurora Borealis due to the S.S. Isopod freezing to the ice sheet for the last two months. You will be pleased to know that we have found the problem and managed to free the ship. Therefore, you can now stop  grumbling about the cold and the excessively fish themed menu.

However, I would like to point out if wasn’t for certain scientists’ blatant disregard of ship protocol by rerouting the hull’s defrost power relays to turn lab 42 into their personal sauna and tanning salon, we would not be in this position.

Also, those that are responsible for placing the animatronic Coelodonta antiquitatis skull in the mess hall freezer, you may be pleased to hear that the medic has successfully patched up the cook after he was gored by the contraption. However, the cook would like to offer his compliments on the fine practical joke. He especially enjoyed the googly eyes mounted in the eye sockets, but would like to request something less pointy next time the urge to engage in merry mischief strikes.

In other news, I would like to announce that Dr. Kippers was the winner of the impromptu ice sculpture contest outside the ship last night. I would like to congratulate him on his expert use of quantum variations to create an ice megaladon that existed in no less then seven dimensions simultaneously.

Second place went to Dr. Savant for her fully articulated and energetic singing ice monkeys. Their rendition of “Danny Boy” was truly moving.

Lastly, honorable mention goes to intern #36 for his ice Tesla coil.

Good job everyone!

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

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Practical Use of Zombies – Zombie soldiers on the battlefield? Sounds like a solid plan to us. What could possibly go wrong? That zombie bacon does sound awfully tasty too…

It’s a Sand Trap! Poor Little Mars Rover… -If only they had gone for the sand trap bustin’ flip action add on… It’s still functional other than not being about to wander anymore. One day someone will go out there and give it a good kick to dislodge it, in the mean time, we’re waiting for the Mars Webcam.

Mmmm, Gummy Heart (with bloody center) – It’s the perfect mid-afternoon office snack!

One Step Closer to Nuclear Fusion – With giant lasers! Sure, there’s still the minor issue of creating a controlled fusion with fuel pellets that don’t cost ten thousand dollars each. By the way, is it just me or does that test room look like Xavier’s Cerebro?

Humans, Mostly Virus – Maybe not, but we do have an awful lot  in common in our genome with the little buggers. I suppose that’s just a side effect of being lifeforms on planet Earth. However, it does bring up some interesting questions about virus’ role in our evolution. Very interesting stuff.

Flexible Sheets Capture Energy from Movement – Human power plants are on their way! I suppose the medical uses for this stuff would be useful too.

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Salutations!

I hope everyone is in good spirits today. If not, well, never fear! The hard working scientists aboard the S.S. Isopod have been trawling the depths of the interwebtubes for spirit lifting goodness. Though the use of our Amusement-o-tron Confabulator Scanning Device Mark IITM, the scientists have just uncovered the journals of a Mr. Edmund Finney and his Quest to Find the Meaning of Life.2009-12-11-Awkward-Aaron-Story

This comic follows the misadventures of Edmund Finney and all the whimsical and interesting characters he meets along the way.  It’s good fun and has quickly become one of the crew’s favorites.

Today’s comic has especially resonated with the scientists as they have the habit of finding themselves in awkward situations approximately 48.23% more often than the average person.

Yes. They measured.

Check out the comic here.

Good day and happy travels.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

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