To All,
It has come to my attention that rumors have been spreading as to our involvement in the recent tide of Humboldt (a.k.a jumbo flying) squid (Dosidicus gigas) prowling the waters near San Diego, California in unusual abundance. While we might have been in the vicinity during the event, I assure you the S.S. Isopod had no part in the occurrence. None. Whatsoever.
I’m sure many of you have heard by now rumors insinuating that improper disposal techniques were used during the recent clean up of the storage rooms, namely the remaining bad batch of fish attractant that had the known effect of attracting large numbers of large cephalopods. These events are purely coincidental and are in no way related. In addition, I have it on good authority that the proper environmental and hazardous scientific experimental waste codes and procedures were executed for the aforementioned attractant.
There have also been rumors circulating that our recent misplacement of several hundred gallons of cloning vat fluid is somehow related to a recent sighting of a large blob of unidentifiable goo spotted drifting around the shores of Alaska. Everyone aboard this ship knows that the cloning vat fluid is purple, not black. Firstly, there is no documented evidence that the S.S. Isopod has the capability to travel the immense distance between Alaska and California in such a short period of time. Secondly, the scientists assure me that even with exposure to untested elements (i.e. seawater, plankton, etc.), the fluid would remain purple.
Now, I hope that’s sufficient explanation to clear up those horrible rumors. You may now rest easy knowing that all those events were purely natural occurrences. Behold the wondrous mysteries of the natural world.
Seriously, it wasn’t us.
Sincerely,
- Captain Tortuga
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