Attention S.S. Isopod Crew,
Indeed, I am completely aware of our unplanned extended study of the Chukchi Sea and the Aurora Borealis due to the S.S. Isopod freezing to the ice sheet for the last two months. You will be pleased to know that we have found the problem and managed to free the ship. Therefore, you can now stop grumbling about the cold and the excessively fish themed menu.
However, I would like to point out if wasn’t for certain scientists’ blatant disregard of ship protocol by rerouting the hull’s defrost power relays to turn lab 42 into their personal sauna and tanning salon, we would not be in this position.
Also, those that are responsible for placing the animatronic Coelodonta antiquitatis skull in the mess hall freezer, you may be pleased to hear that the medic has successfully patched up the cook after he was gored by the contraption. However, the cook would like to offer his compliments on the fine practical joke. He especially enjoyed the googly eyes mounted in the eye sockets, but would like to request something less pointy next time the urge to engage in merry mischief strikes.
In other news, I would like to announce that Dr. Kippers was the winner of the impromptu ice sculpture contest outside the ship last night. I would like to congratulate him on his expert use of quantum variations to create an ice megaladon that existed in no less then seven dimensions simultaneously.
Second place went to Dr. Savant for her fully articulated and energetic singing ice monkeys. Their rendition of “Danny Boy” was truly moving.
Lastly, honorable mention goes to intern #36 for his ice Tesla coil.
Good job everyone!
Sincerely,
- Captain Tortuga
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