To All,
As many of you may have noticed, today happens to be a Friday. As many of you may have also noticed, today happens to be the 13th as well. While the more scientifically minded amongst you know that any negative correlation between these two occurrences are purely an unfortunate coincidence, I would just like to remind the rest of you that silly superstions (albeit, a time honored seafaring tradition) will not be tolerated.
Yes, I do realize that for unknown reasons all the bathroom stalls have mysteriously detached from the bulkhead and are now floating freely. Yes, I do realize that there has been an outbreak of black kitten-spiders on level 23. Yes, I do know the ship is spontaneously covered in flesh-eating jellies who have started emerging out of the moon pool. Indeed, I am aware that a few of you have reported unexpected tentacular growths. Also, I have heard that the mess hall has split off into thirteen almost identical dimensions.
I assure you, all of these incidents are 100% (+- an uncertainty factor of 97.369%) unrelated, or at least unrelated to this particular day. No amount of lucky unicorn shoes or ferret’s feet or cultist luck rituals or four leafed sentient clovers will change this fact.
Please cease and desist your sad devotion to those ancient supersitions. We need all hands and full attentions to help with the clean up.
That is all.
Sincerely,
-Captain Tortuga
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