To: SS Isopod Romantically Inclined Lifeforms
As you may have noticed, today is Valentine’s Day. For most of you, this usually means sulking in your cabin, or in the common room, or in the hallways while clinging to some beverage of indeterminate origin. To those, I wholly encourange your sulking. Everyone needs a good sulk now and then, as I always say. It builds character. Plus, having all your sulking limited to a specific day really makes productivity scheduling that much easier. For the rest of you who feel you must pursue romantic entanglement on this day, I would like to remind you of ship protocol least your love addled minds forget.
- Romantic relationships with experiments is still prohibited.
- “Platonic Valentines” containing plutonium is still prohibited.
- Reprogramming the cleaner bots to provided free hugs and kisses is still prohibited.
- New this year, creating your own Valentine’s candy in the lab is prohibited.
- New this year, any sentient flowers found outside of the kennels will be relocated to the incinerator.
One more note, while relationships between crew members is not prohibited, it is requested that all “hanky-panky” be kept in personal quarters. I think I speak for everyone when I say, no one wants to see that. Remember that poor Dr. Smackly was compelled to self-scramble his own brain after witnessing such an occurrence. If you are the victim of such horrors, remember that the sick bay still offers complimentary memory scrubbing.
The cook would like everyone to know that the theme for tonight’s meal is chocolate. So, if you have been craving some nice gianduja dipped shrimp kebabs, or a coconut and coco lobster bisque, tonight’s the night!
That is all.