Chickens! Don’t look at me like that. You knew it was inevitable that eventually there would be a chicken. There’s some rule about that, I think.

Truth be told, I’m not very good at consoling any entity. Unless there happens to be an entity that prefers the sort of awkward clueless consoling that I seem to excel at. I could, hypothetically, console that entity quite well. The rest of you, well, I’m afraid you might have a more fulfilling experience from a stuffed bear than from me. I’m telling you this to save both of us the embarrassment of inadequate consoling. Actually, I keep a spare stuffed bear on hand just in case of such emergency. Well, bionic stuffed bear. I assure you it’s mostly harmless and has been programmed with over five thousand forms of comforting.

You know what’s also bad? The appalling lack of content lately. We are sorry about that.  We have just ordered a new set of seaminions to remedy the situation. These ones have been guaranteed not to spontaneously combust (unlike the last set). Thanks and please standby for hopefully less ridiculously late content.

P.S. You also also know what’s bad? Mint tacos with mustard. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

So, I went to the Stumptown Comics Festival in Portland, Oregon today. I have to say, there was an astonishing lack of mustaches. Get with the program, Portland. For shame. On the other hand there was an overabundance of pirates and the Mayor was dressed as the superhero SAMDROID, so I suppose I can overlook the mustache issue this time.

Apparently Pi didn’t read rule number Φ of Mad Mumphry’s Guide to Undersea Exploration, 3rd Edition, “Never knock on a mysterious orb.” Oh well. I wonder if it’s friendly?

To:

From: Captain Tortuga

Re: Samples

Anyone who went to the bioengineering seminar this weekend and picked up some of the free samples from the various vendor booths might want to take note that we have heard reports that some of said samples have unpredictable and unexpected reactions when exposed to sea water. For those that don’t want to take the risk of their free samples being exposed, I suggest taking advantage of one of the many incinerator receptacles scattered throughout the ship. Also note, I do not want to see anyone tossing their samples into the moon pool “…just to see what would happen. FOR SCIENCE!” Any individuals doing so will be subjected to experimental disciplinary measures.

For those of you that received a sample of deinonychus embryos from the Dinosaur of the Month Club, I would like to remind you that these embryos are for display only. They are not designed for human consumption nor for reactivation of gestation. Need I remind you about the incidents with the liopleurodon eggs sent out back in April? Sure, they were cute when they were little, but no one was very pleased when a dozen of them escaped into open water and used the ship’s propellers as chew toys. Plus, the liopleurodon stew that the cook made from the leftovers was just horrid.

On a slightly related note, the cook wanted me to inform everyone that there will be samples of various new recipes for the crew to try out. Please vote on your favorite. Also, anyone having a known allergy to actiniaria may want to avoid this month’s new recipe samples.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

Hmm… I wonder if this means a water filled adventure is in store for Pi? Robots are so handy to have around sometimes.

Those must be some pretty interesting calculations.

That can’t be good…

I hope everyone is in good spirits today. If not, well, never fear! The hard working scientists aboard the S.S. Isopod have been trawling the depths of the interwebtubes for spirit lifting goodness. Though the use of our Amusement-o-tron Confabulator Scanning Device Mark II^TM, the scientists have just uncovered the journals of a Mr. Edmund Finney and his Quest to Find the Meaning of Life.

This comic follows the misadventures of Edmund Finney and all the whimsical and interesting characters he meets along the way.  It’s good fun and has quickly become one of the crew’s favorites.

Today’s comic has especially resonated with the scientists as they have the habit of finding themselves in awkward situations approximately 48.23% more often than the average person.

Yes. They measured.

Check out the comic here.

Good day and happy travels.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga