To: ALL Please note that the cyber-dolphins, despite what they may psychically tell you, are not friendly and benign. They are, in fact, evil calculating creatures of ill will bent upon enslaving the human race and using us for their nefarious tasks. You may think that they are cute. You may think that they only [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Irradiated Meat It has come to my attention that some of you have been purposefully creating radioactive meat. From what my sources tell me, the government of Germany has been compensating hunters for radioactive boar meat due to an upsurge of the creatures due to left over Chernobyl radiation. [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Samples Anyone who went to the bioengineering seminar this weekend and picked up some of the free samples from the various vendor booths might want to take note that we have heard reports that some of said samples have unpredictable and unexpected reactions when exposed to sea water. For [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Safety Tips To whomever took specimens D32A-5 through D33B-1 without filling out the proper “Preserved Failed Experimental Specimen Vial Checkout Form” please return them ASAP. Dr. Kippers has discovered that prolonged exposure to some of these specimens may cause irreversible death and possible flesh wounds such as limb implosion. [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Thar be cupcakes! To whomever parked the minisub in the moon-pool last, please try again. The entry hatch needs to be pointed up. In the air. Not, I repeat, NOT submerged. You have until lunchtime to remedy the situation, otherwise I will be forced to implement some experimental disciplinary [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: This Week’s Events and Announcements First off, I would like to congratulate everyone in their fine performance during last week’s unspeakable-horror-is-attacking-the-ship drill. Everyone responded to the drill in record time. Bravo! If that had been a real unspeakable horror, I am proud to say most of us would have [...]
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