To All, Some of you may have noticed the new hand lotion in the restrooms. Unbeknownst to the janitorial staff, this particular lotion was not approved for general crew use yet, as it was still in the experimental phase. For those that have used the lotion more than three times in a 48 hour period [...]
To All, As many of you may have noticed, today happens to be a Friday. As many of you may have also noticed, today happens to be the 13th as well. While the more scientifically minded amongst you know that any negative correlation between these two occurrences are purely an unfortunate coincidence, I would just like to remind the [...]
To: All (especially the mad scientists) As many of you are aware, it is indeed “Talk Like A Pirate” Day. Seeing as the S.S. Isopod employees a fair selection of the piratical sorts, the excess pirate-themed talk is a bit… redundant. Folks seem to think this means they need to add extra “arrrrs” to their already “arrrr” saturated [...]
Dear All, I realize there is a trend revitalizing the popularity of the quaint little stringed instrument known as the ukulele. Indeed, I have been known to enjoy the dulcet tones produced by the uke from time to time. I also realize that a ship would not be a proper ship without at least one [...]
First off, I wanted to remind everyone that there are still some Valentine’s day themed desserts in the mess hall. I hear the chocolate covered heart shaped shrimp dumplings are fantastic. Please note, tonight’s pelagic couples ball has been relocated to the common room as janitorial is still working on removing the lampreys currently infesting [...]
To: ALL Please note that the cyber-dolphins, despite what they may psychically tell you, are not friendly and benign. They are, in fact, evil calculating creatures of ill will bent upon enslaving the human race and using us for their nefarious tasks. You may think that they are cute. You may think that they only [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Samples Anyone who went to the bioengineering seminar this weekend and picked up some of the free samples from the various vendor booths might want to take note that we have heard reports that some of said samples have unpredictable and unexpected reactions when exposed to sea water. For [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Safety Tips To whomever took specimens D32A-5 through D33B-1 without filling out the proper “Preserved Failed Experimental Specimen Vial Checkout Form” please return them ASAP. Dr. Kippers has discovered that prolonged exposure to some of these specimens may cause irreversible death and possible flesh wounds such as limb implosion. [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: Thar be cupcakes! To whomever parked the minisub in the moon-pool last, please try again. The entry hatch needs to be pointed up. In the air. Not, I repeat, NOT submerged. You have until lunchtime to remedy the situation, otherwise I will be forced to implement some experimental disciplinary [...]
To: All From: Captain Tortuga Re: This Week’s Events and Announcements First off, I would like to congratulate everyone in their fine performance during last week’s unspeakable-horror-is-attacking-the-ship drill. Everyone responded to the drill in record time. Bravo! If that had been a real unspeakable horror, I am proud to say most of us would have [...]
