As many of you are aware, it is indeed “Talk Like A Pirate” Day. Seeing as the S.S. Isopod employees a fair selection of the piratical sorts, the excess pirate-themed talk is a bit… redundant. Folks seem to think this means they need to add extra “arrrrs” to their already “arrrr” saturated speech. Please note, if you are already a pirate, in most cases, you already talk like one. There is no need to put in the extra effort.

As for the scientists, many of whom are not and have never been of the pirate persuasion, hearing you “talk” like a pirate is, well, it’s just sad. Just… just stop it. The concept is obviously beyond your grasp.

For example, I overheard  the following conversation in the hall just moments ago.

Random Scientist 1: “Arr there, my fellow researrrrrrcher. How be ye?”

Random Scientist 2: “I arr be arr verrrrarrrrghy well arr. Thank thee arr for yarr askarrging.”

Random Scientist 1: “What?”

Random Scientist 2: “I said, I be aaaarrrrrrrgggggood.”

Random Scientist 1: “Ah! Ah ha! Ha! I see! Brilliant! Ahem… I mean, that be great, har har! Yo-ho-ho!  Avast! Have ye seen tharrrrrrr yonder today’s what crawled out o’ t’ bung hole special?”

Random Scientist 2: “Arrrg! Nay, arrrr! Arrrrr! What be thar speciarrrrrrrrl o’ t’galley? Arrr?”

Random Scientist 1: “I hearrrrr ’tis t’grog o’Davy Jones, ’tis. Y’arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!”

At which point I had to shut my door and scoop out my ears with a rusty spoon. I’m sorry I had to subject you to that example, but now you know, and knowing is half the battle. The other half the battle is to send any person abusing their “Talk Like a Pirate” Day privileges to the Pain Sauna. Consider this your warning.

Which reminds me, the cook would like to announce that he ordered about 20 barrels of bona fide grog for the crew this evening. Also, the medic would like to remind everyone that drinking the grog is mandatory on account of the recent epidemic of Euclidean space scurvy going around the ship.

That is all.

Sincerely,

- Captain Torguga

From: Captain Tortuga

Re: Thar be cupcakes!

To whomever parked the minisub in the moon-pool last, please try again. The entry hatch needs to be pointed up. In the air. Not, I repeat, NOT submerged. You have until lunchtime to remedy the situation, otherwise I will be forced to implement some experimental disciplinary measures.

On a lighter note, the cook has informed me that he is making his special subharmonic cupcakes for dessert tonight. They’re sure to disappear quickly, so show up early to dinner. Mmmm… cupcakes. I can almost taste their delicious sugary resonant vibratory goodness.

Doc Gestalt would like to thank all folks who attended her ultra super extra fun time tea party last week. She wanted to let all those who participated know that the splicing wounds should heal up within the week with minimal scarring and side effects. She also wanted to extend a special thanks to those who donated misc. mammalian parts to the party. She said it was a huge success. The next ultra super extra fun time tea party is tentatively scheduled the third Saturday of next month.

Also, a small reminder. Please, do NOT feed the sea gnomes. I know they’re cute with those big eyes and pointy hats and the way they click their claws is adorable. They are still parasitic vermin with epic breeding capabilities and should not be encouraged. Our fumigation bots are already working at full capacity. Need I remind you what happens when levels aboard this ship overflow with sea gnomes? Hmm? Surely, you all remember. Level 5 will never smell quite right again. So, please, put your food and experiment scraps in the proper trash or recycling receptacle. Also, any crew members caught keeping sea gnomes as pets will be subjected to experimental disciplinary measures.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

Those must be some pretty interesting calculations.

Music: “Halloween” by The Coffinshakers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Pi is excited.

Pi’s choice in costume upsets the Captain.

The Captain hints that Pi’s construction is somehow related to Pi’s costume.

Temporal Receiver:  Darkness by Lord Byron read by Chris Miller

The ship has some octo-lanterns for the holiday.

Lab Report: Dr. Gestalt takes the mini-sub out for a joy ride search for alien life. Written and performed by Rachel Ross.

Voice Mail: Lord Vandermore would like to contract out a moon water project to the S.S. Isopod laboratory. Written and performed by David Moore.

Pi thinks that it’s had dysentery.

Pi senses a disturbance in the force.

Lab Report: Dr. Chancerous is experimenting with ways to acquire large quantities of candy. Written and performed by John Cmar. Sound effects provided by the Free Sound Project.

Pi is upset about its mergoats.

Captain Tortuga feels it is necessary to check up on the ship.

Music: “Zombies on my Lawn” by The Volume Brothers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Credits

Promos: The Secret Lair, Tales of the Children/Stories of Wolfram Hart

——

This episode was written and performed by Natalie Metzger and Andy Steigleder. The theme music is Science Nature 23 by Podcast Troubadour.

Music: “LIVE” by Paul and Storm

The S.S. Isopod is short on interns

Pi gets some mergoats

The Captain reveals there’s something different about Pi’s construction

Temporal Receiver:  Geek Survival Guide #30 – Working for a Super Villain by Zach Ricks

The S.S. Isopod finds a solution to its customer service requests

Lab Report: Dr. Nubbin’s leaves a voice mail for the Captain regarding the transcendental planetary distiller.

Preparing for a delivery

Music: “Open the Pod Door Hal” by Jeff Ronay – (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Credits

Promos: Geek Survival Guide, The Leviathan Chronicles

——

This episode was written and performed by Natalie Metzger and Andy Steigleder. The theme music is Science Nature 23 by Podcast Troubadour.