Apparently Pi didn’t read rule number Φ of Mad Mumphry’s Guide to Undersea Exploration, 3rd Edition, “Never knock on a mysterious orb.” Oh well. I wonder if it’s friendly?

From: Captain Tortuga

Re: Thar be cupcakes!

To whomever parked the minisub in the moon-pool last, please try again. The entry hatch needs to be pointed up. In the air. Not, I repeat, NOT submerged. You have until lunchtime to remedy the situation, otherwise I will be forced to implement some experimental disciplinary measures.

On a lighter note, the cook has informed me that he is making his special subharmonic cupcakes for dessert tonight. They’re sure to disappear quickly, so show up early to dinner. Mmmm… cupcakes. I can almost taste their delicious sugary resonant vibratory goodness.

Doc Gestalt would like to thank all folks who attended her ultra super extra fun time tea party last week. She wanted to let all those who participated know that the splicing wounds should heal up within the week with minimal scarring and side effects. She also wanted to extend a special thanks to those who donated misc. mammalian parts to the party. She said it was a huge success. The next ultra super extra fun time tea party is tentatively scheduled the third Saturday of next month.

Also, a small reminder. Please, do NOT feed the sea gnomes. I know they’re cute with those big eyes and pointy hats and the way they click their claws is adorable. They are still parasitic vermin with epic breeding capabilities and should not be encouraged. Our fumigation bots are already working at full capacity. Need I remind you what happens when levels aboard this ship overflow with sea gnomes? Hmm? Surely, you all remember. Level 5 will never smell quite right again. So, please, put your food and experiment scraps in the proper trash or recycling receptacle. Also, any crew members caught keeping sea gnomes as pets will be subjected to experimental disciplinary measures.

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

Hmm… I wonder if this means a water filled adventure is in store for Pi? Robots are so handy to have around sometimes.

Those must be some pretty interesting calculations.

Indeed, I am completely aware of our unplanned extended study of the Chukchi Sea and the Aurora Borealis due to the S.S. Isopod freezing to the ice sheet for the last two months. You will be pleased to know that we have found the problem and managed to free the ship. Therefore, you can now stop  grumbling about the cold and the excessively fish themed menu.

However, I would like to point out if wasn’t for certain scientists’ blatant disregard of ship protocol by rerouting the hull’s defrost power relays to turn lab 42 into their personal sauna and tanning salon, we would not be in this position.

Also, those that are responsible for placing the animatronic Coelodonta antiquitatis skull in the mess hall freezer, you may be pleased to hear that the medic has successfully patched up the cook after he was gored by the contraption. However, the cook would like to offer his compliments on the fine practical joke. He especially enjoyed the googly eyes mounted in the eye sockets, but would like to request something less pointy next time the urge to engage in merry mischief strikes.

In other news, I would like to announce that Dr. Kippers was the winner of the impromptu ice sculpture contest outside the ship last night. I would like to congratulate him on his expert use of quantum variations to create an ice megaladon that existed in no less then seven dimensions simultaneously.

Second place went to Dr. Savant for her fully articulated and energetic singing ice monkeys. Their rendition of “Danny Boy” was truly moving.

Lastly, honorable mention goes to intern #36 for his ice Tesla coil.

Good job everyone!

Sincerely,

- Captain Tortuga

That can’t be good…

Music: “Halloween” by The Coffinshakers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Pi is excited.

Pi’s choice in costume upsets the Captain.

The Captain hints that Pi’s construction is somehow related to Pi’s costume.

Temporal Receiver:  Darkness by Lord Byron read by Chris Miller

The ship has some octo-lanterns for the holiday.

Lab Report: Dr. Gestalt takes the mini-sub out for a joy ride search for alien life. Written and performed by Rachel Ross.

Voice Mail: Lord Vandermore would like to contract out a moon water project to the S.S. Isopod laboratory. Written and performed by David Moore.

Pi thinks that it’s had dysentery.

Pi senses a disturbance in the force.

Lab Report: Dr. Chancerous is experimenting with ways to acquire large quantities of candy. Written and performed by John Cmar. Sound effects provided by the Free Sound Project.

Pi is upset about its mergoats.

Captain Tortuga feels it is necessary to check up on the ship.

Music: “Zombies on my Lawn” by The Volume Brothers (courtesy of the Music Alley)

Credits

Promos: The Secret Lair, Tales of the Children/Stories of Wolfram Hart

——

This episode was written and performed by Natalie Metzger and Andy Steigleder. The theme music is Science Nature 23 by Podcast Troubadour.

What’s this? Why, it is a marvelous piece of art by Radio Isopod listener and contributor, Rachel Ross. Isn’t it glorious? Fantastically nifty keen, even. Thanks Rachel!!

What’s that? You say that you didn’t realize that the S.S. Isopod even had a mini-sub? Oh pleeeease. What type of self-respecting submersible laboratory would we be if we didn’t have a mini-sub? There’s a reason why we have a moon pool after all, you know. In fact, we recently loaned out our mini-sub to the admirable Dr. Gestalt not too long ago. Alas, you will have to wait until the Halloween episode of RI to discover the reason.

As for the Cthulhuian megafauna trailing after the mini-sub… well, it wasn’t attached to the mini-sub after it was returned. We assume that’s a good thing.

If you care to see all the other wondrous wonderment of Rachel, her deviantART gallery is a good place to start. Do be sure check out the mechanical dragons. I am considering ordering one for my office. I’m certain Fluffy the sentient phalaenopsis would get along splendidly with a mechanical dragon. Although… Pi may not…. hmmmmm…

Well, at least they have a map now… even if it is shaped suspiciously like a giant brain.